| Here are some tips that will help not only children diagnosed with hyperactivity, attention deficit and ADHD , but also those who have certain difficulties with behavior, attention, memory, adherence to rules and requirements, difficulty in learning. Such simple and seemingly self-evident thoughts cause more protest and surprise in parents than following the most sophisticated diets and complex correctional programs. Let someone be indignant at the banality of the material below, but if a parent or teacher does not even accept this , then all other psychological calculations and “difficulties” simply do not make sense. 1. Do not get irritated or saturate the child with your irritation . The balance of the parent is the key to the calmness of the child. A common picture is that a tired mother, tormented by problems, from the very waking up and getting ready for kindergarten, without realizing it, breaks her bad mood on the child, and then wonders why the child is capricious and mischievous.Parents often forget about how vulnerable the child is in front of their unbalanced and ill-mannered character. Many do not even think that it is unacceptable to talk to children like this. Try to talk to a person of your equal status, independent of you, as you sometimes talk to your children…. The child does not have an adult thick skin, he does not know how to control his mood, switch, forget, brush off, “swallow” feelings. Therefore, when parents generously scatter black sparks of their irritation, they very much hurt the child and force him to experience mental pain and defend himself in the only way available and natural for his age and experience – insubordination, painful whims.Now imagine how children live in an atmosphere of poorly controlled irritation for years. When a parent, from spanking – a consequence of his irritation, abruptly comes to caress and kisses – wanting to make amends for his children (many admit that they feel guilty for being too strict), and then again to spanking.This is constant stress, emotional and mental exhaustion.How does this relate to the hyperactive? Such children already have difficulties with self-control and are highly susceptible to environmental influences. If they are constantly surrounded by an atmosphere of irritation, then they simply cannot react to nothing other than chaotic behavior. 2. The child is your mirror . A child, like tracing paper, adopts all the habits of an adult, the entire family lifestyle, often in an exaggerated form. Pay attention to yourself before correcting negative habits in your child. Remember that if you talk to a child in an exclusively commanding tone that does not tolerate objection, sharply scold him, use an exclusively “market” model of interaction (if you don’t do…., Then you won’t get…, or immediately .., otherwise I’ll tell you…. ), then the child perceives this as a normal, only correct and natural model of interaction. This also applies to the question of restrained speech, attitude to study, accuracy, punctuality, etc.So, is it worth it to swear and be annoyed at a child when he behaves like a little stubborn donkey, if he acts exactly like you?How does this relate to the hyperactive? Observation from practice – the parents of “hyperactive” children, often, themselves carry in their character and behavior features of hyperactivity. 3. Don’t be arbitrary . Do not make your selfishness and self-esteem a yardstick for your child’s merits and demerits. This is the question of overstated requirements. Often, when a parent unsuccessfully demands compliance with some rules from a child, he, firstly, does not fulfill his prescriptions himself, and, secondly, the only deep motive for putting forward these demands is the parent’s vanity itself. It is formulated in different ways, but the general leitmotif is the thought: “I cannot allow someone to think or say that I am a bad parent because of the child.” This is covered by a multitude of convenient social labels, more or less appropriate to the situation: “must …”, “must …”, etc.Then even the fulfillment of the simplest requirements for maintaining order in the room becomes an eternal and inexhaustible conflict. In addition, such duality in parenting behavior will never instill in your child respect – one of the most important feelings of parent-child relationships. How does this relate to the hyperactive ? An attempt to suppress the child’s will, to overreact him solely “because I said so”, screams and threats often lead to a paradoxical reaction – instead of doing something faster, the child falls into a “stupor”. The hyperactive are very responsive to affection (but not self-indulgence and indulgence) and calm, helpful behavior you will achieve more than orders and threats. Remember that if he cannot do something, then there is a real reason – you just need to understand and eliminate it, and laziness, whims are only an external manifestation. 4. Treat him with adult respect. The child will grow up, and he will not forget your disrespect for him and will repay the same. As an example: raising foster children is especially difficult, and practice shows that healthy and happy families are not those where foster children are loved with burning, emotional love, but where they are brought up in an atmosphere of mutual respect. For those wishing to read what it looks like in life, I recommend the book: “Lev Semyonovich Vygotsky. Life. Activity. The strokes for the portrait. ” authorship of G. L. Vygotskaya and T. M, Lifanova, or read a few short excerpts from this book in Yu. B. Gippenreiter ‘s anthology “To Parents: How to Be a Child.”How does this relate to the hyperactive ? The youngest daughter of LS, Vygodsky was a “difficult child” – but he found an approach to her, fought her tantrums – a useful and interesting experience. 5. Listen to the child to the end, concentrate your attention on him . Do not look past the child, do not pretend that you are listening to him when you yourself are busy with completely different thoughts and deeds. Quite a common picture – chirping about something, like a bird, a child and a parent, with a gaze directed into the distance, mechanically, often not in the wrong, responding – “Aha … Of course … What are you doing! .. Uh-huh …” and so on. Everybody sometimes catches the “dot”, but for some parents it becomes a style of communication with the child . The reason is that inclusiveness requires a significant expenditure of energy from the parent; therefore, he “saves” energy without coming into contact with the child, but glides over the surface. If there is no energy for interaction here and now, it means that something is taking energy. Usually these are all sorts of problems, emotional conflicts that occupy a person’s consciousness without a trace and do not let him go, even if he has long come out of this situation, and the conflict has been settled. For a child, such a situation is dangerous because he does not learn to adequately build interaction with the world – he does not feel contact with the parent, and accordingly does not learn to contact the world. He always remains on his own and is not really included in any interaction – this style of behavior is established very early and determines the further development of the child (cognitive activity and how he will build relationships with others).At the same time, it is impossible to dissolve in a child, completely erasing the border between him and his own interests. There is a time to talk and think about something together, there is a time for everyone to be alone, alone with their thoughts. A 5-6 year old child is already able to understand this idea and learn to respect your personal time.How does this relate to the hyperactive? In communication with an adult, a child learns to concentrate his attention on something, to convey his thought to another, to receive an answer and correct his ideas about the world, to predict a reaction to his words. The adult keeps the child in his field of attention, and the child learns this process from the adult. 6. Develop your speech. Speech is the most important driver of a child’s development. This is the thread on which all the “pearls” of the child’s mental development cling to – memory, thinking, imagination. Talk to your child from an early age, help him express a thought – even if from your point of view it sounds stupid and naive, teach him to talk about what he sees, teach him to be surprised, admire, think out the thought to the end. Come up with jokes, “the opposite “, fairy tales, fantasies. Remember all the word games you played in childhood (“I know five names …”, “Yes and no, don’t say …” This does not require the classic “school” language development classes. Just sometimes distract yourself from your business and do not be lazy talk to the child. How does this relate to the hyperactive? One of the typical problems of children with ADHD is the inability to control their actions with the help of speech. He does not know how to stand an internal monologue-algorithm: “Now I will do this, and then I have to do this …” and follow it. They have to be trained specifically for this function. We remember that even adults, when faced with complex, unfamiliar activities, pronounce actions “to themselves.” 7. Communication and cognition. Filter information. – “You are what you eat” – if we understand information as food, then this saying remains just as relevant. Another statement belonging to A.S. Makarenko: “Beauty is a function of labor and nutrition,” the same is quite true – in order for the mind and body to be beautiful and strong, they must be properly nourished and forced to work. The abundance of information noticeably dulled parental sensitivity. Wild, rude, hysterical characters, having no connection with reality, teach children how to communicate, how to solve problems, what is valuable, what is not very much, give conflicting and distorted information about the world.At the same time, there is nothing to go too far and show children exclusively educational programs (they also need to be “filtered”, even if filmed in the Air Force) so that there is no “littering” of children’s heads with numerous, but useless facts. “Food” should be adequate for age, should stimulate thinking. Therefore, it is good to watch cartoons, films, programs with your child, and not leave him alone in front of the TV, at least during the first viewing. Draw his attention to details, reason and discuss, ask him to tell or explain something from what he saw. Let such sessions be rare, but the benefits from them will be more than from all cognitive transmissions in the world.How does this relate to the hyperactive? It has long been proven that the behavioral patterns broadcast from the screen are assimilated as quickly and firmly as what the child observes “live”. For children with reduced self-control function, this is doubly relevant. Competently selected and well-developed material will help the child train attention, develop the skills of analysis, synthesis, help deliver oral narrative speech, etc. 8. Caution, tablet! – by and large, your child does not need an intermediary to study the world around him. And we, adults, regularly supply them with these “intermediaries”. The modern reality is that children, for the most part, grow and mature within four walls, and their favorite book becomes the TV, and then the computer. The necessary skills of self-control, strategic thinking, goal setting, which were trained in the company of peers in the yard, making toys models, pictures (the only available beauty is only one that you make yourself), reading books is not practiced at all now.Simple and natural “childish” activities and games have been replaced by tablets, which, in principle, are designed in such a way that they cannot develop any skill except for the precise jab of the finger on the target. And all the “developmental” games included in the toy are not worth the harm that is inflicted by playing with the tablet latently (planted vision, dangerous radiation from the processor, incorrect posture, etc.). Rather, they serve as an excuse for parental laziness.In addition to the fact that children do not develop the skills of perseverance, planning, fine motor skills (remember, in children, the intellect lives at their fingertips, and under them is the tablet screen), a negative attitude is formed to obtain an instant result without effort, without experiencing failure and success …How does this relate to the hyperactive? While a child is using this amazing crutch of civilization, there is even nothing to think about running. The problem of hyperactive children is precisely how to learn to adequately and skillfully interact with the world in its large and small manifestations. The tablet, unfortunately, no matter how bright and attractive it is for children and parents, stops this opportunity . In addition, the blinking of the tablet screen tires and irritates the nervous system much more than the TV screen. 9. Know the personality of your child. – Stop comparing your child to what you “would like” and stop annoying. Take the trouble to study at least basic information about the character, temperament, the leading channel of information perception. I recommend to study the book by Svetlana Olegovna Kuznechenkova “Your child – who is he? Surgeon, artist or … president? ” and one of the last books by Yu. B. Gippenreiter – “We have different characters, how to be?”. These books give the first idea of the physiological nature of character and, in general, the whole way of assimilating information / responding.How does this relate to the hyperactive? It is difficult for them to do something arbitrarily, so you, as a parent, need to look for the child’s natural “resources”, his strengths, which will help compensate and “pull up” undeveloped skills. In addition, knowing its weaknesses, it will be easier for you to bypass difficult pedagogical moments, it will be easier to build relationships, rhythms of work and rest, a system of rewards and punishments. 10. Daily Regimen for Parent and Child – Rhythmic repetition should be at the heart of any parenting activity. The daily routine is one such rhythm. Sometimes clients say that they are doing homework with children for 4-5 hours in a row (!), And sometimes his leisure time is not busy with anything other than a computer. In order not to take up much space, I will only say that this is one of the main correction tools, one of the most effective, most difficult for a parent (it is also very difficult for them to change their habits) and the most visual. I recommend that you find the Super Nanny series on the Internet and see how it works in real life. 11. Opportunity to be active and enough time to synthesize – Something that many parents forget. Namely, that a person has a natural need for movement that needs to be developed and maintained. And if it is suppressed for a long time and artificially – for example, forcing for hours, day after day, to sit at textbooks, then this will lead either to overwork and constant distraction, or to illness. Normal, healthy physical activity is the key to good performance and a bright mind. Remember also that any skill, any trained ability, any knowledge needs a period of synthesis – when active work is not done, the child is in a state of rest, but a new picture of the world is formed in his head, the embedded programs are assimilated, become “their own”. Do not rush to brand the child as stupid, lazy, do not be upset by the lack of immediate and obvious success (you tried so hard!), Give him time to learn and understand what he received. 12. Games and non-standard teaching methods – Any skill is trained through play. Actually, this is the most important task of the game – to create a kind of space in which it is possible to practice a certain skill (see more details here) . And for children with ADHD, the game becomes a real salvation – after all, it is difficult for them to keep their attention on a large amount of “boring” material. 13. Consulting with specialists – If you have questions about the child’s behavior, his health, etc .: look for information. Do not be afraid to visit specialists – doctors, psychologists, speech therapists, consult with teachers. It is good if there is not one such specialist, but several – you will have a more complete and clear picture, it will be easier to develop an action plan. Remember that in our country any help – medical, social, psychological or other – is a purely voluntary and final decision on whether to take prescribed medications, go to additional classes, follow correctional programs, accept only you, and responsibility for accepting or refusing the same only yours. But to know about the problem, to imagine what awaits you and your child in the future, you are obliged as a parent responsible for the well-being of your child. 14. The common sense of parents – to see what is happening in the family, reasonably refers to advice, prescriptions, recommendations. – The item does not need clarification On this, perhaps, that’s all. Thank you for your attention, good luck and success. |